I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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