The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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