you win again, gameday.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
