More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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