Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
