i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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