I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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