after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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