Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
