Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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