So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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