am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my being single is dangerous.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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