For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
