It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My ass is underappreciated
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
