dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
