Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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