I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
