What a fucking waste of an outfit
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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