But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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