Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
