Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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