Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
