Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I smell stomach acid.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
