just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
