I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
