I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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