Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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