That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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