i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
