Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
