i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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