Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
