What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
