I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
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Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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