Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why did my mother make you get naked?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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