omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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