That's when you crack a 10am beer
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
