I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
