Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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