I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
