I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
