Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
