Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
