Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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