cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She told me I should be a condom model.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
