i just wanna soil my oats bro
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
