But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
