I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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