haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
