we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
