i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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