This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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