i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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