guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
