its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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