found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
