tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you win again, gameday.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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