Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
