I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
