Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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