If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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