I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
