i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
