so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
