We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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