Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
