I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
